Heathen Gaffey

You can get in big trouble these days cracking jokes about

politics. For those of us whose sanity is tied to humor, this creates a

real challenge, because we’re expected to take ultimately seriously

the dogmas of whatever side we’re talking to. Otherwise we’re

considered heretics, our souls in jeopardy.

One guy whose soul is definitely in jeopardy these days is Jim

Gaffey. He had the impertinence to compare Donald Trump to

Charles DeGaulle . . . on Semnet no less!!

Even if he was kidding - and Jim seldom kids - he’s definitely in

heresy. Trump, after all, is evil; DeGaulle was good. Trump is a

fascist; DeGaulle fought the Nazis. Trump is destroying democracy;

DeGaulle saved it.

So even if Gaffey is kidding, it’s a sick joke. He needs to be de-

platformed. Or maybe tortured until he returns to his senses. Father

O’Neill, our Apologetics guru, taught us that the Inquisition was the

best thing the heretic ever knew, because he was already headed for

Hell, and once subjected to a little pain, he might acknowledge his

error and see fit to amend his ways. I say let’s put Gaffey on the rack

until he disavows the disinformation he has posted.

And in the meantime, let us present a more apt comparison for

Heathen Gaffey to contemplate, namely, Donald Trump and Pope

John XXIII.

Though to the simple-minded these two men might appear

radically different, a deeper, more objective, analysis shows they have

much in common:

1. Both were dark horses. During their primaries, we were

enveloped in black smoke, all sides locked in futile impasse, until

finally an unlikely candidate emerged, beholden to neither side.

2. Once in office, each of them suddenly upended the existing

status quo, ending years of hierarchical bureaucratic hegemony.

3. Both men immediately generated immense opposition from

the old guard. Dire predictions of apocalyptic collapse were shouted

by party hegemons.

4. The prevailing rule of law seemed threatened by a new

groundswell of lay/popular reformist energy.

5. The formal language of the aristocracy was scrapped and

replaced by the vernacular of the populace.6. The very fabric of society was ripped in two, even down to

the family level.

7. Culture Wars suddenly permeated every social institution.

8. Words like “revolution” and “coup” were used to describe the

new phenomenon.

9. A deep inescapable angst permeated members of the status

quo, while a giddy exuberance seemed to infect the reformers.

From his place on the rack, Heathen Gaffey now has a clear

choice. He can accept the higher truth of the Trump/JXXIII

comparison or stubbornly cling to his Trump/DeGaulle thesis. Either

way, he will be confessing sin. That’s all either side wants.

Wait a minute. Why is he laughing?